The Breakdown: 3Oh!3 and Katy Perry, “Starstrukk”

16 Oct

Man, this is like the complete opposite of a MENSA meeting.

Look, I can’t expect fratty Colorado hipster-hoppers to have the world’s most finely crafted, sensitive lyrics on Earth. And I can’t expect that adding someone whose claim to fame is “I kissed a girl and I liked it” would substantially improve the talent base.

But this? This is bad.

3Oh!3:

Nice legs, Daisy Dukes, makes a man go (whistle)

1) You speak for yourself. 2) You also wolf whistle for yourself.

That’s the way they all come through like (whistle whistle)

You’re going to keep doing that, aren’t you?

Low-cut, see-through, shirts that make you (whistles)

Rhyming a whistle may be the laziest rhyme ever.

That’s the way she come through like (whistles)

She “come through” like a douchetastic wolf whistle? Okay, then.

Katy Perry:

‘Cause I just set them up
Just set them up
Just set them up
To knock them down

Are we talking bowling? Dominoes? The cruel manipulation of feelings for the semi-sadistic purpose of taking pleasure in pain?

Katy, you deserve these guys.

3Oh!3:

‘Cause I just set them up
Just set them up
Just set them up
To knock them down (down)

I take it back, you deserve each other.

Perry:

I think I should know, how
To make love to something innocent
Without leaving my fingerprints out, now
L-O-V-E’s just another word I never learned to pronounce

There are a few problems here. If you have to muse about whether you can make love to something without leaving fingerprints in song, you probably can’t. If you’re trying to make love without leaving fingerprints, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re singing/saying “without leaving my fingerprints out,” you have an interesting but wrong understanding of the phrase “leaving fingerprints.”

And if you’re saying “L-O-V-E’s just another word I never learned to pronounce” literally two bars after saying “love,” you’re lying. And you’re not even doing it particularly well.

How, do I say I’m sorry?
‘Cause the word is never gonna come out, now
L-O-V-E’s just another word I never learned to pronounce

You just said you were sorry. Here, I’ll type it again: “I’m sorry.”

Now you say it for recording this.

3Oh!3:
Tight jeans, double Ds, makin’ me go (whistles)
All the people on the street know (whistles whistles)
Iced out, lit up, make the kids go (whistles)
All the people on the street know (whistle whistle)

It’s good to see that you boys connect with ladies on a deep level. Also, saying “iced out” and “lit up” is really the way to connect with these women, I’m sure.

There are some more choruses, but they bore.

Perry:

You know that type of shit just don’t work on me (whistles)
Whistling then trying to flirt with me

You tell ’em!

(whistles)

Good to know you’re listening, boys.

Don’t take it personally (whistles)
‘Cause we were never in love (whistles whistles)

Katy, they have moved on. You should, too. Also, you said love again! You’re learning!

It doesn’t really matter, who you say you are (whistles)
Sing it out the windows of your car (whistles)
Find another girl across the bar (whistles)
‘Cause L-O-V-E’s not what this was (whistles whistle)

Ah, a star trying to pretend that it doesn’t matter who you are, or who you say you are. Quaint.

And you knew how to pronounce love just a second ago! Don’t regress!

If you have read to the bottom of this, as a thank you, I give you two better “Starstruck” songs: Lady GaGa’s and the far superior Santogold/Santigold’s.

5 Responses to “The Breakdown: 3Oh!3 and Katy Perry, “Starstrukk””

  1. Silvernug December 14, 2009 at 9:17 PM #

    Why dont you shut up and make a song, its great actually, and if your gonna make fun of it dont go into details about it.

    • Andy Hutchins December 23, 2009 at 3:11 AM #

      “Don’t go into details about it?”

      What? So I’m allowed to say something brief, but anything long is a no-go? Huh?

  2. Smo April 2, 2010 at 2:37 PM #

    I couldn’t agree more with this blog hahaha

    It’s a dreadful song. I love pop music, but this is just insulting to the listener (and to women) on every level.

    • jadon September 23, 2010 at 3:13 PM #

      yeah this song majorly sucks 3OH!3 tries ways to hard to seem cool but they end up looking fratty or like dbs. and Katy Perry, oh, Katy Perry she is one of the fakeish person and “christian” i’ve ever seen (next to the “new and improved” Miley Cyrus of course)

  3. sara December 9, 2010 at 6:29 PM #

    HEY I REALLY LIKE THIS SONG! & SO DO MY FRANS! look if YOU’VE got NOTTIN BETTER 2 Do then MAKE FUN OF an AWESOME band like 3oh!3 then hun u just don’t got a life!!cause if u did u wouldnt be wastein ur time bashin others! jeeze! yeh they try hard 4 their fans!GOLL! take a hint!:/ their an awesome band & i love ’em! so get over it & go listen 2 ur crap tht u call music.O & KATY PERRY ROX 2!:D

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